I wish I was a pharmaceutical company instead of a newspaper publisher. I wish I could make hundreds of millions of dollars on my product even after I have warned my customers about it like this:
“May cause headaches, cramping, bloating, rectal bleeding, dizziness, erections lasting more than four hours, explosive diarrhea, some loss of vision and hearing, weight loss, weight gain, loss of appetite, sleeplessness, lethargy, anxiety, blurred vision, indigestion, thoughts of suicide, sudden death, constipation, excessive urination, swelling, itching, rash, hallucinations and flat feet.”
And once they started to advertise, I would also warn them, “Do not discontinue use unless directed.” And of course, I would always direct them to continue.
As a newspaper publisher though, I just have to settle for the standard warnings for newspapers: “Do not use near power lines. Keep away from open flame. Not dishwasher safe. If product gets in eyes, flush with water immediately.”