Why a platter? Because a bowl would be too small. After all, the NCC – the National Chicken Council, that is – says we will consume 1,250,000,000 chicken wings this year. Wait. Cancel that. 1,250,000,000 chicken wings TODAY alone. That’s 1.25 billion wings. And that’s not to mention the beer, the pizza, the dip, and the chips. No wonder the average football fan gains between 10 and 20 pounds during football season, which ends today in an orgy of eating.
It would be interesting to know how many collective pounds we’ll gain on this one day. The irony is off the charts: millions of us will become couch potatoes and stuff our faces while watching superbly conditioned athletes. There is no other holiday like it: one centered around watching TV. And eating. It’s the biggest day of the year for food consumption after Thanksgiving Day. Officially, the average American will consume an estimated 2400 calories during the game alone. For reference, that’s about 400 calories more than an entire day’s supply. Or to put it another way, as much as 14 Ethiopians consume in a month and a half. To put that number in the numerology of this day, we’re talking about MMCD calories!
But the Medical Examiner knows this will all fall on deaf ears. It’s like telling everyone on Thanksgiving morning to just eat a rice cake for Thanksgiving dinner. But there’s always tomorrow. NutriSystem reports that the day after the Super Bowl – oops! – I mean the day after The Big Game they get twice the number of orders they ordinarily get on a typical Monday. That makes Super Bowl Monday kind of like New Years Day II, a delayed opportunity to start diets and other personal improvement resolutions. That’s a good thing, because if a person didn’t lose their football season weight gain and put on an average of ten pounds every year… well, that would not be a good thing at all.
So here’s to all of tomorrow’s fresh starts!
Below: If our cars did what we do. Perish the thought!
