Take a second right now and look at the clock. What time is it? Imagine something almost surreal: in less than half an hour from right now, your home will be gone. It will simply not exist. Within less than 30 minutes, it will be obliterated, along with the trees in your yard, your car(s), and all your neighbor’s homes …
CONGRATULATIONS, GRADUATES!
Now the hard part begins. As we speak, high school graduates all over Augusta and across the fruited plains are engaging in some well-deserved celebrations. A milestone of life has been achieved! Way to go! Kids, do you want keep the celebration going? Sure you do! Here’s a tip: your diploma says you have working brain cells. Use them! Over …
Something new in the Medical Examiner
Beginning next issue (a totally fake sample with fake advertisers is shown here), the Medical Examiner will contain a convenient medical services directory for patients, at the same time a great way for healthcare providers of every stripe to keep their name and contact information out there – and to do so for a pittance. For mere pocket change. Details? …
The late great Zach Sobiech
His funeral will be held today at 11:00 am in Stillwater, Minnesota. R.I.P. Zach
Today’s Examiner:
Want an extra reason to pore over the pages of this issue (this Issuu)? We can’t find the Mystery Word on any of the copies we’ve looked at, and we know exactly where it is. It’s a printing press thing. It happens sometimes. The online version, on the other hand, is always infinitely clean and crisp, and you can enlarge …
Keep riding. Keep living.
The new Medical Examiner front page: You will probably see this and immediately think of Dennis Skillman, peacefully riding his bike to work yesterday morning. Or perhaps you’ll think of Christopher Provost, charged with felony vehicular homicide for leaving the roadway to run over and kill Skillman, then flee the scene. You may very well think, “National Bike to Work …
If we’re going to have gay marriage…
…then this is the logical next step. I think. This is so very hilarious. (Thanks to Hannah Bradley for the link.)
I HATE MONDAY
I know, it’s Tuesday. Feel free to initiate litigation. Here’s the hate for today: the news. I hate the news. This is painful to write, since I am something of a newsaholic. However, the news has become more and more about partisan analysis and opinion and less and less about the news itself. Let’s take a teaspoon of known fact …
IT IS HEREBY DECREED:
LITTLE KNOWN LAWS Here is an actual federal statute, meaning it is on the books and enforceable in all 50 states. The golf fan who originated the phrase “IN THE HOLE!” or any version thereof shall be hunted down, castrated, tarred and feathered, all said person’s fingernails shall be removed by pliers (those performing the removal to be awarded by …